Science Says Covid Dick is Real, And Here’s The Long and Short of It

SCIENCE DEPRESSES WORLD, SAYS COVID DICK IS REAL, WHAT’S A MAN TO DO?

So the latest news about Covid isn’t new variants (except that’s true). Nor is it the issues with infection rates climbing, hospitalizations, or kids doing sickouts from school (all also totally real). The latest, never greatest Covid news is about a Covid infection permanently(?) making your penis smaller. So yes, obviously everyone will be calling this malady (a totally ironic term, to be sure), Covid Dick. So obviously, this news just might generate some panicky (or variably snickering) reactions far and wide. So here’s the long and short of this news. I mean, here’s what we know and what it may mean, in the short and long term. And yes, we’re talking about science.

COVID DICK NEWS BLOWING UP AFTER ONE MAN WROTE A LETTER TO SLATE PODCAST

So Covid has a long list of lasting effects, or damages, to the human brain and body for many people. Those lasting effects are what we increasingly call “Long Covid.” And Covid Dick does, of course, ironically fall into the category of Long Covid! But this news comes, ahem, from an American man in his 30’s who wrote a letter to Slate’s advice podcast, “How to Do It.” His letter described how his Covid infection last July left him with an erectile dysfunction problem which he got treatment for. But then he realized his formerly “above average” penis lost an inch and a half when erect. And that right there is Covid Dick.

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BUT SCIENCE CONFIRMS COVID DICK IS, INDEED, A THING, AND THE ANSWER IS A PENIS PUMP?

So the now average man sought more medical help, of course. But there is no little blue pill for the doctors to give out to fix this problem. The man’s medical team told him that his new shortcomings were due to vascular damage, and that it was likely a permanent thing. So what’s a body to do about Covid Dick? Well, nothing. The University College London published a study of a host of Long Covid problems (also last July), including a category of reproductive issues for men and women. Women can suffer even earlier onset of menopause and irregular cycles. And men? Smaller testicles and penises.

So this is some news we will want to stay on top of. Well, you know what I mean. So far, the only treatments men may be able to explore involve using a penis pump to try to get back some girth and length. No, really. That’s where we are! Covid Dick is real, and the answer is…. Penis pumps. I guess I better find my old Mad Magazines with those ads….