Your mother is a lovely person, amazing, beautiful and a pain in the ass. Moms magically develop the ability to know exactly how to push our buttons. It must be some sort of evolutionary bonus. They raise us to be full-fledged adults but learn along the way, or even engineer, the tools to annoy us. That being considered, one of the best gifts you can give your mother for Mother’s Day is acceptance. Accept her as more than just the person who cooks your favorite meals and gave birth to you. Underneath it all, moms are people, too. As hard is it may be to believe, they were once your age and, contrary to what they might have you think, they know they have flaws (they just won’t let you know that). But in accepting these flaws, their mistakes and their humanity, you can better respect and appreciate your mom. After all, you got to live in her womb rent-free.
It’s popular in therapy to blame your mom for things. It makes sense. Your relationship with your mother, or lack thereof, can be defining to how you view relationships. If you have a critical mother, you may be insecure or have low self-esteem. If you have a mom that praises you a lot, you may become spoiled or self-centered. These are all valid issues but not worth taking out on dear old mom. Sure some issues are worth confronting in a diplomatic and calm way — and only for closure. Yelling at your mother for throwing away your stuffed animals and giving you abandonment issues solves nothing. It’s reasonable to have rage against your mom, but try not to take it out on her. After all, you may have something that’s festered in you for years, but deal with that on your own. Accept that she did the best she can, is a human being capable of screwing up and accept that she tried her hardest. Fighting about it now won’t change the past.
Moms change at different points in your life. She’s your meal ticket when you’re a baby. She grows into the woman that rubs schmutz off your face. Soon, she’s obsessed with when you’ll be back home. Eventually, she’s the one that doesn’t understand that it’s Twitter not Twitters and Google not the Google. It’s hard to accept that the woman who would lift a car off of you when you were a baby will slowly get older and frailer. This is another thing you have to accept. By accepting that your mom ages, you can value the time that you have with her. Make the most of it, and do all the things you can do now to show her you care.
Moms know where all the bodies are buried. Like bomb-sniffing dogs, they know the emotional landmines that can set you into a rage or emotional meltdown. But, hey, they had moms too. They had someone who was just as much of a ball-buster as your mom is to you. Accepting that your issues with mom might just be part of the legacy of the human condition might just give you more sympathy. As much as mom-related stress and anxiety might seem like such a major issue, you’re both on the same team.
Mom’s don’t set out to ruin our lives, raise the next Bill Gates, and honestly, some women don’t even set out to be mothers. That being said, when you accept that your mom is a person, and at your age she was probably dealing with stresses just like yours, you can treat her the way she should be treated. You can give her the benefit of the doubt, the appreciation and the respect. After all, Mother’s Day is more than just an obligatory card-purchasing day. It’s a day to say,”Wow, my mom is a person who gave up a decent chunk of her time to keep me alive.” Not all moms are great, but a little acceptance of things as they are frees up so much energy to not just treat your mom better. It leaves you open for love and the potential to celebrate all the good things life has to offer. It also saves you a ton on therapy.
Christian Cintron is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.
