After a week of sleeping on the floor of a Soviet-era train station, TheBlot’s Sochi team was finally able to check in to our hotel last night.
Upon arrival, we were given our much-coveted Sochi gift bags, usually reserved for celebrities and media personalities. The contents did not disappoint. I’m returning home with a potato, a used doorknob, and a VHS copy of “Dr. Zhivago.”
On to our favorite Sochi Winter Olympics moments thus far.
Ashley Wagner Takes the Gold … in Disappointment
OK, she didn’t work on her, “Hey, it’s just an honor being nominated” face, I’ll give her that. But when Ashley Wagner saw her scores for figure skating, women’s short program, she turned to her coach and said, “That’s bullshit.” Ashley, honey, that attitude will not land you on the front of a Wheaties box. I guess Wagner is this Olympics’ McKayla Maroney.
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There Goes America’s Deposit
Then there was Johnny Quinn, who went all Kool-Aid Man on his hotel bathroom door over the weekend. Quinn, of our take-no-prisoners bobsled team, found himself locked in his hotel bathroom, so he busted through the door. Johnny, I would go ahead and cancel any credit card you put down to secure the room.
For a Country That’s So Anti-Gay…
They really have pulled out a lot of gay-looking stuff. Did you catch the opening ceremony last Friday? It turned out to be something akin to “The Hunt For Red October: The Musical.” Not only were we treated to a performance by t.a.T.u, those fake lesbian performers that had a hit some 10 years ago, the members of the Russian Police Choir (yes, it’s a thing) gave us a rather painful rendition of Daft Punk’s “Get Lucky.”
I’m guessing the last time these guys “got lucky” was when their town got an unexpected toilet paper delivery.
The American Team Uniform, a Lesson in Modesty
If you are dying to be a part of our illustrious, and so modestly dressed, Olympic team, it’s not too late. Though that hideous sweater is sold out, you can still snatch up the “reindeer hat” for the bargain-basement price of $95. Really, Ralph Lauren? Seriously, though, I support our team, but those outfits made me want to hate-crime someone.
