If, like me, you’ve noticed an upswing over the past few years in the amount of personal questions sales staff ask you before, during or just after a purchase, you might be wondering how best to respond to all of these chirpy, slightly invasive questions.
Apparently “How are you?” or “Have a nice day” are no longer enough in the world of sales and marketing. Whatever customer relationship management seminars the bigwigs at various companies have been attending must have included an entire series about becoming the temporary bestie with potential buyers — while understanding, of course, that nailing the sale down is still key.
“Did you do anything fun today?” “What are your plans for tonight?” “Got something cool going for the weekend?” These are just a few of the more-intimate questions I’ve fielded from sales staff recently. At least they’re not asking me what kind of underwear I’m wearing — although knowing me, I’d probably tell them (boxers, nothing too risqué). It’s not that I don’t appreciate a friendly chat now and then, but the forced sociability along with the masked pain behind the sales professional’s face (especially if they have to deal with me in the morning when I’m not my usual charming self) doesn’t always play well.
Sometimes I just want to buy my iPad, movie ticket or box of candy without divulging where I’ve been, how I feel or what I’ve “got going for the weekend.” And whatever happened to stranger danger? While I imagine focus groups have helped decide what personal questions work best with customers, a lot of these seemingly easygoing queries eerily parallel what a potential stalker would ask his or her next victim.
My rule, which I just came up with now, is two personal questions per salesperson per encounter (they’re just following managerial orders, after all). After that, if they start pushing the comfort boundaries, I think it’s perfectly all right to start messing with them.
Do I have any fun plans for the weekend, my friendly sales staff may ask? Well yes, actually, I do. After I buy some more lye to take care of that body rotting in my backyard, I’m going to collect all of the lint from my neighbors’ belly buttons (with permission, of course) and knit a hat. Nothing out of the ordinary there …
If your sales attendant simply smiles and says “Great,” and then continues with his or her pitch, you’ll know the message didn’t get through. If, on the other hand, you’re met with a look of horror and a discreet call to 911, you might have gone a little to far in the name of fun. Your defense when the cops arrive? Your weekend is your own, and what you do with it is your business, and besides, the sales clerk looked like she might be a crazed stalker. That, dear reader, is what we call “stirring the pot.”
Carl Pettit is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.
