It wont be long before Quentin Tarantino’s eighth film, “The Hateful 8,” hits the big screen. What draws us to Mr. Tarantino’s films aren’t just the dynamic storylines and lavishly styled imagery, but his ability to develop characters, specifically the psychopathic ones.
Although we understand that giving less credit to things that frighten us helps us live happier, less fear-driven lives, it doesn’t hinder the fact that there are psychopaths all around us. If you are reading this, there is a good chance there is one close by at this very moment, but how would you know? Here is my “Hateful 8” list of psychos, some of whom we will all come across in our lifetime — if we haven’t already.
Spouses/ Significant Others
Relationships aren’t easy, but the worst of it usually comes after one ends. Lets face it, no one starts seeing someone with the notion of, “This is temporary.” Relationships are way too much work, and for that reason, too many of us tend to put on our blinders and strap in for the long haul just to get through it. Sure, socks on the floor or having your blankets stolen in the middle of the night can be seen as valid arguments against our (sometimes) better halves, but compared to what you will face after the relationship is over, it’s a whole different world of insanity. From stealing furniture to sucker punches, your once-unassuming mate could be literally one breakup away from boiling your bunny, and if he or she wasn’t a good cook before the inevitable end, that is one stew you are going to want to avoid at all costs.
Family
Guess where most of your bad traits come from? If you guessed family, thanks to the subhead that gave away a clear clue, you’re correct! People don’t usually wake up and start throwing things around the house and start punching holes in walls without seeing it somewhere else, and where else would we see something so often that it would allow us to think that such behavior is acceptable? Our families! It is from our kin that we learn how to truly master the skills of guilting, punishments and anger — traits that we will carry on with us for life.
Bosses
They are all a necessary evil, but some just rise above the rest through their insane actions. A while ago, I had a boss who would throw the entire contents off her desk onto the floor and than ask us, her employees, to put it back in the exact order it was before her tantrum ensued. Prior to that, I had a boss who told me one day that back and foot massages were suddenly part of my job description (which wouldn’t have been so bad, I guess, if she was just slightly more attractive). The bad thing about a boss is you can’t escape them, and without them, it is usually not easy to survive. The most psychotic of all the bosses are the ones who know the power they have over you and milk it for all it’s worth. Which is behavior you may have to take while working at a Fortune 500 Company, but not so much at a Dunkin Donuts. Maybe that explains why its workers can’t get an order right and there is such a high turnover rate …
Coworkers
We have all had that one person in our office who everyone looks at and thinks, “That’s the one who is going to come in here guns blazing one day.” If you don’t know who that is in your office, get help because it is probably you. You never really know how crazy your coworkers are until you start taking to them about their personal lives and realize that no one is really sane, are they? I have worked with people who broke equipment to get a day off, I’ve been followed to the restroom to talk about work while standing at a urinal and even had some of my own work destroyed so that someone would look better in front of the higher ups. The good news about this group is you can always show them how psychopathic you can be in return — if you make friends with your HR department first.
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Commuters
It doesn’t matter if you drive, walk, bike or take mass transit, commuters are usually dicks. Can you really blame them, though? We all have places to be, and for each of us, our destination is all that matters. Just try to make it through a subway station without getting knocked around or sit in rush-hour traffic without getting cut off — it’ll never happen. My favorites are the people who bike to work. Somehow this group of dumb asses figured out a way to get the speed of a car behind the mentality of a pedestrian, whereas they fly through traffic signals without a care in the world. As a pedestrian commuter in the mornings, I have no problem showing how psychopathic I can be if threatened by a non-law-abiding biker. It is my mission to dethrone you from that tiny seat of yours if you get too close to or actually hit me.
Neighbors
You would think in a city that boasts the most-expensive real estate in the world the class of people would be a little better, and you would be very wrong in your assumption. In the past two years alone, I have broken up a robbery in my building, been subjected to a second-hand Macing by a neighbor, called the cops for a child abuse situation in the apartment next door and frequently get stopped by a woman in my lobby who told me yesterday her son is a cop, when last week he was a lawyer and two weeks ago he was a lawyer. Having met this woman’s son, I think it is safe to say his profession is burnout, but it must be nice to be delusional enough to see past that. Forget what goes on in the mind of a person like this, just try to imagine what goes on behind their closed doors.
Sports Fans
I love watching sports, but it is not hard for me to step back and think, “Am I crazy for watching Olympic curling at 4 a.m.?” As much as I hate to admit it, I have yelled at the TV and have been known to throw a remote control during hockey season, but my level of psychopathic-ness is nothing compared to what happens in soccer stadiums around the world — or in most sports arenas in the Philadelphia area. Sorry, my brothers and sisters in the City of Brotherly Love, you have earned the right to be called out for your actions over the years. If you start behaving properly, we can stop talking about you and go back to talking about what happens in Los Angeles whenever one of its teams lose a championship.
Trolls
Trolls maybe the creepiest of all the psychopaths. These are the online stalkers that you can’t see, and if we have learned anything from the movies, we fear most what we cannot see. They are the modern-day version of the boogie man, lurking in the shadows just to pop in and make a creep comment on your social-media pages every once in a while. You don’t always know these people, which makes it worse when you announce that you are heading to an event, and they feel the need to respond, “See you there.” Yeah, they are creepy.
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You can see “The Hateful 8” in select theaters Christmas Day and everywhere else Jan. 8, 2016, but to see the psychos in your everyday life, all you have to do is look around your current surroundings. If you’re not sitting in a room alone, it shouldn’t be to hard to find one.
Watch “The Hateful 8” trailer:
Tom Roarty is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.
