When you wanna dump your boyfriend on Valentine's Day

WHEN YOU GET THE URGE TO DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND ON VALENTINE’S DAY, YOU PROBABLY SHOULD JUST DO IT

Valentine’s Day is dumb, yes. We all know it; it is not news to any of us. But if you happen to be in a relationship on February 14^th, you kind of HAVE to do something. It’s basically law. Everyone sucks it up and does something nice, because why not spend a nice night with your sweetie? There’s no good reason not to. Right? Wrong.

I started out this year’s Valentine’s Day smitten and happy. I went to work, like normal, I ate a kale caesar for lunch, I stopped by the vintage vinyl shop on the way home to get my sweet bf a v-day present. I did everything I was “supposed” to do. Then I went over to his house. He lives close by, it’s convenient.

I knew something was off when he opened to door and didn’t kiss me. I step inside and he launches into another tirade about how much he hates his job. And here is where I have to sidebar: how many times can a person complain about a job he hates before he quits?? And MORE importantly, how many times do I have to patiently listen, give suggestions, and find that he actually has no interest in a solution?? The answer is: a million times. Or maybe now it’s a million and one.

He vents and says that his bosses gave him a huge amount of work right at 4pm that very day, Valentine’s Day, and said he had to have it due back by 10am the next morning. That’s pretty shitty, right? Why would a person stay in a job like that? I’m really asking, it would be great if someone could explain it to me.

So he says he’s sorry but he is going to have to work that night, all night. Valentine’s Day has been cancelled. I’m optimistic though, I pull out the vinyl I bought him for his impressively hipster record player, I know he’s going to like it. But then he starts crying. Like, out of nowhere. And he says these classic words: “Oh no. I didn’t get you anything.” NOTHING. NO PRESENTS. NADA.

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I mean, who does that?? I know you’re stressed, but COME ON. Now, what he SHOULD have done is apologize, order me my favorite food to be delivered, order me a bottle of wine to be delivered, and rented my favorite movie on Amazon. I would have been SO HAPPY. Favorite food, favorite drink, favorite movie, perfect Valentine’s Day! Bf has to work, but WHO CARES??

Instead he breaks down, like physically. Weeping everywhere. And who has to comfort him? ME. The one who should be lounging around, getting showered with apology gifts! ME. Who should be treated like a queen every day INCLUDING Valentine’s Day. ME. The one who should not have to sit up late, mindlessly scrolling through Pinterest, and drinking old whiskey she found in the cupboard. ME. The one who should dump this motherfucker already.

Well, if you’re wondering, I didn’t dump him. He apologized for being an ass and a baby and I forgave him. We had sex, and it was ok. Maybe next Valentine’s Day will be better.